Most women desire to be irresistible to men. As a result, they spend billions of dollars a year on everything from perfume to lingerie in pursuit of sexiness.
Women also flock to women's magazines for advice on how to be desirable to men. Unfortunately, most of the tips contained in such magazines were written by women for women -- and they don't necessarily give an accurate take on what men consider irresistibly sexy. That nice new shade of lipstick, pretty earrings, a designer dress or the latest hair color very rarely turns a man on the way women think they do. Those things are meant to impress other women, not men. And while beauty is a powerful attractant, there are so many other qualities beyond beauty that capture a man's heart.
If you're like most people, you probably know at least one woman who isn't particularly pretty or who doesn't have a sexy body, but she always seems to attract the most men in any social setting. Men are drawn to her, can't take their eyes off her -- and when they talk to other men about her, they say they can't quite seem to put a finger on what it is that accounts for her immense sex appeal.
Wouldn't you want to be THAT kind of woman? Wouldn't you want to feel what it's like to be the center of men's attention wherever you go, or just have the undivided attention of your husband or boyfriend? There are secrets I know that can unlock the heart of a man – and you can use these secrets to bring a man to his knees, and gain an unfair advantage over other women.
If you were to ask a man for his opinion on what's irresistible to men, first of all, he may or may not give you an honest answer. His answer will depend on several factors, such as whether or not he thinks his answer will ingratiate him to you; whether or not he wants to give you information that you can use to exercise power over him; or a host of other factors. Additionally, a man may not have the ability to pinpoint exactly what it is about a woman that he finds sexy – he just knows what's sexy when he sees it. Worst of all, one man's opinion usually does not represent the opinion of the majority of men – one man may be fixated on breasts, another might be a leg man, and another might have a foot fetish, and so on.
Why should you listen to me, then, when I'm a mere man myself? Here's why: Not only have I been a Licensed Professional Counselor (L.P.C.), therapist, and relationship coach for 17 years, but I've also seen what works and doesn't work when it comes to male-female communications and romantic relationships.
What I've compiled here are the top 8 things that the majority of men find irresistible in a woman. They are as follows:
1) Smile
-- Believe it or not, one of the top things that a man finds sexy in a woman is something that's well within your reach. And that is, your smile. A university study was conducted a few years ago, wherein the main objective was to find out exactly what men meant when they described women as "cute" or "attractive". Was it that she was tall, buxom, had long hair, long legs, full lips or a certain look? They interviewed hundreds of male students, and they found a common ingredient. A woman who smiles was always deemed considerably more attractive. Smiling tells a man that a woman is pleased with him, or that she genuinely likes men – and that attitude is very enticing to a man.
Women's magazines have popularized pouting as a way of being sexy, but given the choice, I'd recommend a smile instead of a pout because the majority of men find it sexy.
2) Approachability – When it comes to attracting men, you must appear approachable, but not easy. This is a fine balance that you must learn to achieve, particularly if you want to attract the right kind of man. If you appear too approachable, you'll attract opportunistic men who have all the wrong motives -- and you'll turn off the more desirable men who prefer a more discriminating woman. A man wants to know that he can comfortably initiate a conversation with you without becoming unduly intimidated and without getting sweaty palms -- and know that you'll be receptive to him. But he also wants the reassurance that you're not equally receptive to every man that comes around.
Approachability, as a factor of sex appeal, includes not just your attitude and aura, but also your look. Women who appear as though they went to great lengths to look flawless – i.e., they have a professionally coiffed hairstyle, expertly done make-up, perfectly manicured nails, fancy jewelry and an obviously expensive attire, screams "Untouchable" or "High Maintenance" – or worst of all, "Do Not Disturb" -- to a man. This is why supermodels, movie stars and some of the world's most gorgeous women often find themselves without dates or male suitors. They look intimidating, not inviting.
Therefore, contrary to what the fashion magazines say, ease up on the flawlessness factor a bit and look more down-to-earth and accessible. A man likes touchable hair that he can run his hands through, and appreciates a woman who doesn't mind getting her hair out of place every now and then. He wants lips he can kiss spontaneously without running the risk of the woman saying, "Don't kiss me -- I just put on my lipstick" – or kissing her and smearing messy lip product all over her face and his. They prefer women who won't have a heart attack if someone accidentally spilled a little wine on their blouse or if they had to sit in the front row at the movies because the theater is too crowded. In other words, a man generally finds it a turn-off if a woman is uptight and acts like a "diva" – but instead, finds alluring the woman who is "real," doesn't take herself way too seriously, is able to laugh at mishaps that come along, and gracefully make the best of any situation without making anyone feel offended or inadequate. Some celebrity examples that embody this kind of sex appeal are Julia Roberts and Cameron Diaz.
3) Voice -- If you're like most women, you have a hidden seductive power that you probably don't know how to utilize for maximum effect on men. And that hidden power is your voice. You can use your voice to captivate and persuade – and you do this by talking a little slower and softer than normal. A low and slow voice commands attention and respect more than a fast squeaky voice. It's hypnotic and has an aphrodisiac effect. When you use your voice this way, a man will tend to lean forward to listen more closely and this causes a feeling of intimacy to develop. His DNA programming will unconsciously make him more attracted to you because of your voice. Talking to him all evening in a low voice is like simmering a delicious stew on the stove. By speaking slower and softer, you disarm a man, make him feel safe enough to let you influence him.
4) Long Hair -- Long hair on women is considered sexy by most men. At the risk of infuriating some women, particularly those who like to wear their hair short, the fact remains that most men simply prefer long hair. It's not that short hair doesn't look good on women, but long hair looks feminine and sexy to the male species. All other things being equal, men's eyes will gravitate toward an average-looking woman with long tresses than a beautiful woman with short locks.
For some reason, it has become an unspoken rule that women over 40 should automatically cut their hair because long hair looks ridiculous on them. The fact is, men find long hair captivating on women, regardless of their age. Celebrities like Jane Seymour, Andie McDowell, Jacqueline Bisset – and even Cher, have proven that women over 40 can look sexy with long locks. As long as a woman's hair is in great condition, and long hair is flattering to her face, she should wear her hair as long as she pleases. If you ask me, I think the beauty industry single-handedly popularized short hair for women over 40 because beauty salons make more money when they trim and style women's hair on a weekly or monthly basis. That's why long-haired women over 40 are always singled out as prime hair makeover subjects by the beauty industry. Women's magazines further propagate this "only-short-hair-after-40" rule -- but don't make the mistake of falling for it. Wear your hair long with utmost confidence whatever your age may be. Men will celebrate you for it.
5) Lips -- Do you know what part of a woman's face turns a man on
more than any other part of the female anatomy? If you answered "lips," you're absolutely right. Believe it or not, women's lips outrank full breasts, a well-rounded derrière and even sexy legs, in the "giant turn-ons" department, according to a report in AskMen.com, a men's portal with 5 million readers a month.
The more voluptuous your lips are, the higher your sex quotient is to men. That's because full lips are more kissable, and a man can fantasize having those succulent lips on various parts of his body. Full lips are also indicators of youth and fertility, which men are instinctively attracted to.
Is it any wonder why Angelina Jolie was named "the world's sexiest woman," by Esquire Magazine, one of America's top men's publications?
If you're not genetically endowed with full, luscious lips; or you have average-sized lips; take care because it isn't about having perfect lips. Rather it is simply about calling attention to them. Men are naturally drawn to a woman's lips and there is no need to exaggerate them with surgery or ultra bright lip stick. Simply remember that men will notice your lips and you only responsibility is to take care of them and not let them get dry, cracked or unsightly.
6) Femininity -- Every woman has the choice to act in either a masculine or feminine style – just as a man has the option to exercise his "feminine" side. It's alright for women to exercise their "masculine" side in the business world, but when it comes to relating to men, femininity wins every time.
Contrary to popular belief, the feminine aspect is actually more powerful than the masculine aspect. Being feminine has the ability to get the masculine of our species to respond and surrender just by the mere act of being feminine. Women who know how to make optimum use of their feminine power are irresistible to men – and men can't usually figure out why. They just meekly obey the woman's wishes, and are at her mercy.
Women are oftentimes afraid of giving men too much power, and this makes them want to be overly assertive and competitive – that is, exercise their masculine side instead of their feminine side. But what they don't realize is that being feminine doesn't mean relinquishing power to a man. In the hands of a smart woman, femininity means gaining power over a man. Many men know that they are powerless in the presence of a woman who cranks up her femininity to the hilt, although they may not always admit it. Those women who have men falling all over them understand this principle and use it to their advantage.
Women's natural female traits (such as nurturing, caring, sensitivity, being oriented towards feelings) have long been devalued by our society. But in the male-female relationship arena, that feminine advantage is able to beat the pants off men – both figuratively and literally!
To be irresistible to a man, you must exhibit the soft, feminine qualities of a woman. Men are disarmed when a woman appears soft. Therefore, avoid competing with men outside of the business world. Men generally have a dominant style of relating to a woman when they are in an intimate relationship. Women who compete or act in a masculine manner cause men to treat them like a man. This is generally true unless the man happens to be the type who actually likes domineering women.
7) Laughter -- Men always want to know that they can make a woman happy. Therefore, a woman who laughs easily (but not excessively) is often irresistible to a man When a woman indicates that a man makes her happy, the man begins to feel confident, becomes more interested, and wants to please her even more. If he senses that he can't make her happy, he moves on.
While the majority of men find physical appearance important in their choice of mate, they tend to be even more attracted to women who are emotionally stable, fun to be around and supportive. A woman's laughter is like music to a man's ears. As the saying goes, "Laughter is the shortest distance between two people." This is certainly true with men and women. It's a bit like a vicious circle (or should I say a good-natured circle?). Women love to laugh, and men want to be the ones to make them laugh, or to provide the climate for laughter. When a man causes a woman to laugh, the woman's laughter gives the man a sense of gratification, strokes his ego and makes him feel that he can make her happy. That makes for an emotionally-charged sexual cocktail, and makes the woman appear irresistible to a man.
8) Ability to Be At Ease -- There is a quality that always magnetizes a man to a woman -- even if she isn't the most beautiful, the one with the sexiest body, the smartest – and even if she isn't his type. In his book, "The Romance Factor," Allen Lloyd McGinnis states that social scientists have discovered that while looks, money, power, and prestige are all important in attracting and maintaining a mate, none of these rate as high as the ability to be at ease. The ability to be at ease, to act comfortable with yourself in the presence of the opposite sex, is irresistible.
Others would call this quality confidence, but it goes beyond confidence. It encompasses good body image, for instance -- not matter what shape she's in. A woman who is pleased with her body usually has a great posture, holds her chin up, is perfectly comfortable in her own skin, doesn't try to disguise her flaws (whether real or imagined), and rarely concerns herself with other people's opinions about what she's wearing. This kind of attitude gives off a subliminal signal that says "I love who I am, and I know you'll love me, too." This woman is usually calm, good-nature, genuinely interested in people, and gracious when accepting compliments that come her way.
The key to appearing at ease, and thus irresistible to men, is that you don't have to actually FEEL confident. You simply have to act the part. If you're a woman who's shy, self-conscious about your weight or your figure flaws, or you simply suffer from low self-esteem, take a principle originated by William James, American philosopher and psychologist (1842-1910) – a principle that has been popularized by many of today's self-help gurus: "If you want a quality, act as if you already have it."
Try this "as if" exercise: When you walk into a social gathering, act as if you're extremely pleased with your body, and walk as though you've just won a million dollars. If that doesn't make you feel like a million bucks, I don't know what will. Men are drawn to this kind of panache like moths are attracted to light.
Florenz Ziegfeld, founder of the Ziegfeld Follies back in the early 20th century, was known to give each one of his showgirls the most luxurious silk underwear just before they performed on stage, so that they can wear it and "feel sexy" during their performances. Take a tip from one of the 20th century's greatest showmen: On days when you're feeling neither confident nor beautiful, treat yourself to the sexiest undergarments you can afford. That way, when you step out, you can leverage your confidence level into runway performance and be irresistible to men.
Your report has just begun. In the coming days I will be sending you more information about men and what they can't resist. Even if you already know some of them, just one new insight could make all the difference in your relationships!
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